Fair warning

After three months of running up and down the stairs at Mauldin United Methodist Church, I finally read the signs posted in every stairwell:

Ribbons and Buttons and Bows, Oh My!

We've been busily making costumes for the youngn's at school, as this is the first time in, like, 20 years that they've done a new Christmas Program. We were having a hard time coming by gold poster board (angel wings) and since I live in Simpsonville, the preschool director suggested that I try Wilson's, which is in Simpsonville and right on my way home. I had seen the store before, but didn't think much of it. In fact, I kind of associated it with Wilson's the leather store, even though the two have nothing to do with each other.

The minute I stepped through the door my jaw hit the floor. Imagine a store like Fogler's or Ben Franklin. Now take all the stuff out of the store and multiply it by 10. Then fit all back into the same store. I felt a little awkward about taking as many pictures as I really wanted to, but I did manage to steal a couple of their ribbon aisle:

The first side...

...and the other side

They also had some on an endcap. They had EVERYTHING at that store in great supply: streamers, Christmas decorations, cards, gift wrap, toys, picture frames, crafts, balloons, school supplies, knick knacks, stickers, household items, candles, candy, puzzles, games, Halloween costumes...

They did not, however, have gold poster board.

I Give Up

I've tried to be sensitive about telling teacher stories. I realize that those of you who do not spend your days with rooms full of children could probably care less...but here's the reality: kids are just funny. As much as I want to entertain you all with some random bizarre tale, the truth is that a lot of the crack-ups in my life these days come from the classroom. So, here's a couple to take with you:

November (at least the first part of it) is tempo month in music class. We've all been experiencing fast and slow music in all sorts of different ways. The four and five year olds have even been learning some tempo vocab - Adagio (slow) and Allegro (fast). And because they are only four and five, we spend the first few minutes of each class reviewing those new words and what they mean. My last class went a little something like this:

Mrs. Palmer: "Who remembers what kinds of sounds we were talking about last time?"

Child with raised hand: "Fast and slow!"

Mrs. Palmer: "That's right! And who remembers our new really big words? Which one means very slowly?"

(Silence)

Mrs. Palmer: "A - da....."

All at the top of their lungs: "Adagio!"

Mrs. Palmer: "Yes! Very good! And which one means really fast?"

(Silence)

Mrs. Palmer: "Al - le..."

One Kid: "An Egg Roll!!!!"



This week, we've just started learning our songs for the Christmas Programs in all the classes. The story of our Christmas Program is about the Littlest Christmas Tree. Without going into all the details of the story, it's basically about the Littlest Pine Tree in the forest, and how it was so small that it couldn't hear or see any of the excitement going on (the baby Jesus being born). So the angels chose the little tree to be their gift bearer to the baby Jesus and that's how the Christmas tree got all it's decorations.

So, I was telling this story to the three year olds, in much greater and more animated detail, and I got to the part where the angels "scooped up the little tree from the forest, and set their gifts in her branches one by one, and then carried the little tree to the manger and gently set it down by the baby Jesus..." at which point one three year old boy interrupted.

"So she could pet Him!"

Ode to Beeker

Okay, this is a two-part crack-up. Let me preface crack-up number two with crack-up number one, Beeker (the Muppet) performing "Ode to Joy:"



I've seen this umpteen times and still laugh out loud at all the subtle details; the way he sets up each camera like in a real home movie, the way he's increasingly alarmed by the timpani playing...hysterical!

So, part two is (dum, da-dum, dum) a teacher story...I'm sorry! I know how annoying it can be to listen to people go on about their students, especially if you're not a teacher, but since this is kind of a piggyback on part one, I'll allow myself a teacher tale.

So I used this today in my four-year-old classes. We have been studying "high" and "low," and today's lesson was about direction of pitch. And since the melodic line to "Ode to Joy" is pretty simple and very linear, it's an easy tune for the kids to follow the direction of the melody. Therefore, part of today's lesson included us singing with Beeker (after having already watched it once to get the giggles out) and using our hands to show the direction of the melody.

A good sign that the kids liked the lesson is that when their classroom teacher comes to pick them up, they chatter to her about all the cool things they did in music. And usually they all talk at once, so you only hear bits and pieces of what they're talking about. Today however, it was very clear what their favorite music activity was, because all the way up the stairs the entire class serenaded their teacher (in miscellaneous keys) "mee, mee, mee, mee, mee, mee....."

Their teacher, I'm sure, had no clue...

Monkey HEAR, monkey do

When we moved here, I expected that everyone around me would be speaking with some sort of southern drawl and I'd be the odd ball. I thought that people would make remarks about my speech the same way I'd comment on someone's southern drawl in Illinois ("Oh, so where are you from? You don't sound like you're from around here...").

To my surprise, quite a few people speak "normally," that is, without the drawl, as this area seems to have attracted a lot of transplants from places like Florida, Ohio, New England (there's a dialect of a different color) and various other states east of Illinois. In fact, of everyone working in Josh's office, there's only one person who did NOT come from out of state. So, I have become pretty comfortable with the idea that my mid-western dialect has not stuck out too badly, as the locals here are pretty used to hearing a variety.

I was humbled today, however, in one of my Kindergarten classes. (Yes, it's a teacher story, but stick with me...) Today we played a new game which required the use of a large mat. I rolled out the mat, explained the rules, and then had the children find their places on the mat. In directing them to find their places, I told them to "go all the way around the mat." And I stressed "around," just a little, using my finger to follow the direction in which I wanted them to walk. I'm sure I was being animated, but I swear I wasn't trying to be funny. But as soon as I said "arouuunnnd," I had about three kids in unison mimic me:

"araaaaaaaaaound!" Like, all nasally and mid-western.

Thanks, guys.

I know they weren't making fun of me, because the only time they do that is when they think I'm being purposely silly. And apparently I naturally sound silly to them. So there ya' go. And I was worried that South Carolina would change the way I talk...

Bathroom Humor

I saw this bumper sticker on a truck the other day and about died. Since I was driving, I couldn't get a picture (I couldn't get close enough. Oh yeah...and that's just not safe...) so I googled the bumper sticker. The picture was copyrighted, so I cheated a little to get it, but if you want this bumper sticker, go to www.zazzle.com. (There. A free plug should get me out of trouble.)

False Advertizing

My favorite style of shirt, and the one I own the most of, is the simple collared, button-down-the front shirt, tapered at the waistline. It has always been the most flattering for my body type. And when I lost weight a couple of years ago, I decided that my money would be better invested in new pants and I could make the shirts last, as big pants could potentially fall off, and big shirts would just be roomy.

Well, two years later, I finally decided that my tried and true shirts were beginning to look sloppy, and have been looking for some sale items to replace the relics in my closet. Lo and behold, about two months ago, I did find a beautiful purple pin-striped shirt in the style as described above for only ten dollars! Here was the problem...after I lost the weight I had made my way into wearing a size small in most cases. Elated by that, I stubbornly refused to buy anything but, no matter how it really fit. And at the time I bought the shirt, I had just moved to Greenville after three months without living with my husband and having just been through the stress of the move. I had gained ten pounds. But I still bought the small, dammit. And didn't wear it for two months because it felt tight. (Duh.)

In the last few weeks I have slowly shed some of the weight I had re-gained, and felt brave enough to try the shirt. It looked great! It felt great! I put on a flattering pare of khaki's to match and pranced off to work, feeling fabulous, showing off my re-acquired waistline to anyone who might notice.

It wasn't until I got home and looked in the mirror that I realized what people may have been staring at. You know how sometimes you miss those little stickers that come attached to your clothing? Yup, I had one of those. Unfortunately it was a size sticker: the letter "S" was affixed to the dead center of my left breast.

Of course.

Yes, it's nice when people notice that my features are smaller, but I certainly don't need a label for people to see that I'm not well endowed.